2011/11/28

Festina's Lotus range: watches for people too stupid to need them

We are too smart to buy this crap off Festina, because we happen to know that according to Maya prophecy on December 21 2012 we will be so smoothly and swimmingly plugged into the Earth's electromagnetic battery that all our timepieces will explode and we'll need to buy new ones. Neither the copywriter, nor the translator, nor the monkey standing in for both of them while they mainline heroin into their brains can be blamed for trying particularly hard for a product with such a short lifespan:

Lotus is ready for this moment in time and launches its commemorative collections for the coming seasons, until the arrival of 21-12-2012, which will anticipate the beginning of the change of our civilisation.

The autumn-winter 2011 collection will cover the next semester with three collections (Tornado, Doom and Glee) that are inspired by big energy events: meteorites, tornados and other natural phenomenon. With Lotus’ own style, being daring, the new models will catch the eye of young people full of energy who appreciate innovation and enjoy living the here and now, living the moment.

For Lotus clients the best is yet to come, they know that the brand will always meet their expectations. Facing the situation predicted by the Mayas, Lotus uses its attributes and is inspired by the extreme risk and action in its pure sense. The new models give adrenaline to the wrists, of those who incite the movement. For Lotus the countdown has started.

The 2012 Lotus generation is the generation that will lead the big social change, the change of conscience.... Definitely they will be the heroes of the awaking.

Whatever happened to the Maya prophecy about fat ladies coming all the way from Florida every year to crap on their tombs?

(H/t to Tom, who having recovered from a quite alarming imaginary illness is now blogging here.)

2011/11/25

EFE: Obesity tripled in twelve months

Malaprensa explains how the publicly-funded news agency converted Eurostat highest and lowest obesity percentages for EU member states for the year 2008/9 into year-on-year growth figures for the EU as a whole, and how the fatherland's press repeated this unquestioningly. Pay a translator and avoid being stamped as incompetent and ending up on the street in the ensuing privatisation? No, gracias.

2011/11/05

Vote for the Jerez pronoun party

I suppose that the use of  "their" followed by "you" at the beginning of these parking fine instructions can be explained either as fucked translation or as an attempt to encourage a neighbourliness unusual in these parts, but I think the glorious use of "him" at word sixteen crowned by the subsequent "he/she" degenderisation clearly suggest that we're dealing here with the psychological catalyst for a social revolution:
Rampant egocentrism is Spain's glory according to the right, its curse according to the left. I would suggest that the latter at Jerez Council hope to convert their Deconstructing Parking strategy into a post-structuralist assault on the very idea of personality, from which will emerge a society built on liberty, equality, and that most extraordinary of notions: that one should help an absolute stranger. Should that not be the case, then we are here to help.

(H/t to Jerez sherry expert, Justin, who tweets here.)

2011/11/03

La Vanguardia: “How is the weather like?”

< Peter Harvey < John Stone. Scroll down here to understand a bit of where John and his English-Speaking Parents' Association of Catalonia are coming from (sorry, Dryden). It's difficult to imagine how the Catalan Education Act could be amended to enable Catalan-English programmes when one of its principal goals was to erect another obstacle to Spanish-Catalan dual-language education. We shall see presently what the PP has in store for us - not very much, judging by the fudging in their manifesto and on their record during the Aznar years.