2011/11/28

Festina's Lotus range: watches for people too stupid to need them

We are too smart to buy this crap off Festina, because we happen to know that according to Maya prophecy on December 21 2012 we will be so smoothly and swimmingly plugged into the Earth's electromagnetic battery that all our timepieces will explode and we'll need to buy new ones. Neither the copywriter, nor the translator, nor the monkey standing in for both of them while they mainline heroin into their brains can be blamed for trying particularly hard for a product with such a short lifespan:

Lotus is ready for this moment in time and launches its commemorative collections for the coming seasons, until the arrival of 21-12-2012, which will anticipate the beginning of the change of our civilisation.

The autumn-winter 2011 collection will cover the next semester with three collections (Tornado, Doom and Glee) that are inspired by big energy events: meteorites, tornados and other natural phenomenon. With Lotus’ own style, being daring, the new models will catch the eye of young people full of energy who appreciate innovation and enjoy living the here and now, living the moment.

For Lotus clients the best is yet to come, they know that the brand will always meet their expectations. Facing the situation predicted by the Mayas, Lotus uses its attributes and is inspired by the extreme risk and action in its pure sense. The new models give adrenaline to the wrists, of those who incite the movement. For Lotus the countdown has started.

The 2012 Lotus generation is the generation that will lead the big social change, the change of conscience.... Definitely they will be the heroes of the awaking.

Whatever happened to the Maya prophecy about fat ladies coming all the way from Florida every year to crap on their tombs?

(H/t to Tom, who having recovered from a quite alarming imaginary illness is now blogging here.)

4 comments:

Candide said...

Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum.

looby said...

Their adverts written by natives for the English market are no better.

trebots said...

How is that advertising ended up full of incoherent halfwits, while Looby and Candide had to make do with joining the Illuminati?

Candide said...

My empty pockets have been voicing the same concern for the last 20 years.

And my thumb has long enjoyed switching the telly to mute when ads are on while the easier-going part of my brain plays guess-what-this-shite's-about. Rarely hits it, for obvious reasons.