Invest your life-savings with Fucked Translation before Ben 'n' Merv render them worthless!

Google ads are not what they were never really going to be, and donations have been such a success that until this morning's happy contribution a victim of comprehensive digitectomy could have counted the euros raised on the fingers of both stumps.

But now the game has changed: the Bank of England has indicated that money may be printed in substantial quantities starting in October, with others likely to pursue the same course. And, as any of you will long memories know, at this point there is a reasonable prospect that your bank deposits will decrease quite rapidly in value and that the sky will gently start to fall on your head.

We care about FT readers, even if you're too snooty to make yourselves members, and so we've devised an exclusive offer to help you escape from this dreadful mess:

1. You invest your entire life-savings with us in itemised tranches using the poorly designed button and menu contraption half-way down the sidebar, or in person.
2. We send you photos showing you the ends to which your money is being put.
3. You get absolutely no other return - so our free photo deal may be rather better than could be the case anyway if you leave your money with a proper bank.

Ahorrar para la vejez, ganar un maravedí, beber tres, said Hernán Núñez de Guzmán, and who knows what the old bugger meant.