This morning someone rather unusual said something to me along the lines of:
Hice tres footin(g)(s) pero se me rompió el tendón(g), entonces dos liftin(g)(s) y ya me ves la cara, y luego en el hospital me metieron un dopin(g) tremendo y ahora estoy en una relación con la farmacéutica y lo llamo la ley de la morfi.
In a rambling entry Wikipedia tells us that "Spanglish is not a pidgin language." However, I wonder whether a particularly mild form of Spanglish hasn't made the jump and isn't already functioning as an endogenous pidgin. For example, this well-established class of articulated gerund nouns (I think the article is relatively rare in standard English), often expressive of spandexhibitionism, is used extensively within the happy family of Hispanic Romance vernacular dialecticians, who I think may even (perhaps out of embarrassment) tend to avoid it in conversation with native English speakers.
Maybe someone better qualified and/or more experienced can shed light.
Actually, I'd better not go into the details, but it's all most curious.
Until you recall that the vast majority of "English teachers" employed by the Generalitat are beginners (and not just in English), and that the considerable local population of infra-employed English mother-tonguers (I hope that's not rude) are in practice ineligible to join their ranks because of the native-level Catalan requirement and other bureaucratic devices designed to ensure that none but sons of the soil ever become funcionarios.
So does the state really give a fack about children improving their English skills? Am I being paranoid when I suggest that Big Brother doesn't actually want them (pace the Treaty of Rome, free movement of labour, etc) to acquire the means to escape wage slavery here?
Whatever, there's no reason why this blog shouldn't continue into all eternity, if I can be arsed and the deity leaves me alone.
More revenge translation: "Estas redes no hay ningun danõ aves de Internacional Conservado Investigación"
(Este trabajo es Licencia por la Espanol Ministerio de Agricultura Pesco Alementacion. POR FAVOR NO METERSE CON LAS REDES HO LOS AVES. Firmado, El Cutre Inglés.)
I believe that only two bodies criticised here have ever responded: one rapidly fixed the problem and went out of business; Alejandro Villén@Loving Books indicated that he'd continue to sell his pile of poo, and is probably doing very nicely. And I doubt very much that any of the rest gives a monkey's. It's time to get tough.
Unless things improve rapidly, starting on April 1st Fucked Translation will activate a global network of sleeper linguists. These lethal and dedicated professionals - driven to despair by decades of half-witted customer queries and 12-month payment delays on negligible invoices - will produce defective writing and translation in Spanish on such a scale as to, where applicable, reduce Hispanophonia to the level of Gary Larson's famous dogs:
Furthermore, Spanish speakers will come to think they are talking Italian.
Here, from Tintin's favourite château, is a preview of the chaos that awaits.
And here's a simple Pac-man vs monster representation (küchen with thanks to MM):
Perhaps someone would like to update this bit of my favourite romance to reflect the above threats:
vn moro tras un almena
començole de fablar
vete el Rey fernando
no quieras aqui envernar
que los frios deſta tierra
no los podras comportar
pan tenemos por diez años
mil vacas para ſalar
veinte mil moros ay dentro
todos de armas tomar
ocho çientos de cavallo
para el eſcaramuçar
ſiete caudillos tenemos
tan buenos como rroldan
y juramento tienen fecho
antes morir que ſe dar
What's special about it? Unlike most, it places you in a historically identifiable time and place; the practical details (salting the meat) give a particular sense of verisimilitude; unusually the Moor has the last word; the alexandrines are easy, even for someone who's never recited in Spanish before; the vocabulary isn't too complicated; and it's short enough that you declaim all of it from the steps of the church in Santa Fe del Penedés, facing Granada on the hill, and make a getaway before the police arrive.